Well the past twenty four hours have been a roller coaster. I got way to cocky with my leveraged ETH long, and I’ve been on the verge of liquidation twice today, both times I added more collateral to the fire in order to stave off disaster.
I’ve been playing the funding game on Perp.Fi for the last week or two, setting up some conservative long positions to make some income on the negative funding rates that are available. I’d been doing pretty good for a while with my 1.5x BTC position, then I went and got all stupid with a 4x ETH long. I apparently forgot what happened to me last time I pulled some shit like that. So last night I went to bed, disgusted at myself and telling myself that I deserved to get liquidated for the $8k that I had laid down as margin. I had a little trouble falling asleep, but slept well and woke up with it on my mind. I didn’t want to know.
I told myself I was cool with the loss, and held off looking at the chart while I did my morning routine, but I accidently saw the chart when I unlocked my phone. I was right at liquidation. I meditated on the best course of action to do, veering between doing nothing and adding more fuel to the fire. I tried to figure out what the best course of action was. I went for a two and a half mile jog to clear my head, then finally went upstairs, pulled a few thousand out of my BTC position margin and threw some of it at the ETH position, trying to bring them somewhat into parity. I think I was actually in a liquidatable state when I did it. I guess the bots had bigger fish to fry. Lucky me.
So I spent a lot of time staring at the five minute chart again today. I managed to get several hours of work done on some Rust challenges, but I kept looking at the chart every couple minutes. As the day went on and I got interrupted more and more with the kids it became harder and harder to concentrate, but I managed to get a lot done. Plus I did a lot of cleaning and cooking. But the precariousness of my position plus some trouble with the girls put me a bit on edge, so I lost my temper a few times. Missus saw my stress and asked what was wrong, so I told her, then went and cut the grass.
I came back in and commiserated over the situation, watching the chart. In a way it would have been better if I’d been washed out in a quick scam wick. Just put me out of my misery. This long drawdown is going to suck in more and more of my capital to keep the position alive. I don’t know how far down I can go, but sunk cost fallacy is surely a factor right now. It’s my fault for not having a plan for this. Surely ETH can’t go down $2000 again! The whole situation makes me fear about how low BTC can go. If this crap goes on too long I’m going to wind up liquidating everything in my portfolio just to keep this long going.
A few minutes ago the price got really close to my liquidation price, so I put another $1000 in margin, giving me another couple hundred dollars reprieve on my liquidation price. I’ll sleep better, and who knows, maybe I’ll see a reprieve and make it out of this alive. What a mess. This is definitely not how disciplined trading is supposed to work.