Gamer

The weather is warming, just into the upper thirties, but that’s enough to melt the snow which has been on the ground for the past few days. I didn’t feel like I needed my snow gear leaving the house this morning, and it might warm up enough for me to actually take a run later. I’m overdue.

Younger crawled in the bed in the middle of the night and woke me up. I actually dreamed, but I was awake and restless around four this morning and I didn’t want to get out of bed when the alarm turned on. Missus was sleeping in because she took leave for an appointment her mom has, so I wound up taking in Elder, and getting in a fight with her.

I don’t know if I got on her because I was cranky from lack of sleep or if there’s some deeper psychological issue at play related to my upbringing. I just don’t want to raise a child who’s spoiled and entitled, and doesn’t know how to overcome adversity. I feel like whenever I tell her that things are going to go the way she wants that I have to deal with a bunch of whining and complaining. I had a similar spat with Younger this morning about her laundry, which has been sitting in a basket, unfolded, for several days now.

I told her that she needed to fold it before she goes out and plays with her friend when she gets home from school. But that’ll take forever! No, it won’t, I bet you can have the whole thing done in ten minutes. But I don’t know how to fold it. Yes you do, you know how to fold underwear and pants and shorts. Why don’t you fold it and put it on my bed and I’ll put it away when I get home? And so on.

I forced myself to meditate, but my mind wandered so much. There’s a lot to do for work, as work now encompasses playing video games, thinking about video games, designing video games, and so on. One of my co-workers said that they want specialization, but my specialization is being overly broad with various systems.

I have been going back to some video game design work, researching various frameworks and ways of designing systems, lots and lots of ECS systems. The more I learn about them the less I think they’re suited for the type of architecture that I’m envisioning. I spend more time thinking about it than actually coding. Looking at existing games and figuring out how I would reverse engineer them; researching various frameworks to see how they operate: Unreal, Unity, various Rust, C++ and Python systems, trying to figure out which one fits our use case best.

I’ve been having lots of discussions at work about a unified framework, a cookbook of design decisions between Unreal, our web3, and Solana programs. Part of it feels like imposter syndrome because I’m talking to developers who are way more knowledgeable than I am.

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